Like most people, I grew up dreaming of what my wedding day might look like. I thought about seeing my partner walk down the aisle, and how we would dance while the band played our song. I thought about the words that we would say, and how we would celebrate with so much happiness in our hearts. And, when I was a kid, there was always a beautiful dress. I remember seeing Princess Diana’s wedding dress, and Celine Dion’s, and thinking just how beautiful those massive trains were. I always wondered what my partner would choose, and how beautiful they would look.
When I was a kid, I didn’t know I was gay. I thought I was different, but I didn’t understand how. So that traditional big flowing dress was something I just expected would be part of my wedding. Maybe I should have paid attention to the fact that I was so interested in beautiful dresses, but as a kid, I was just finding happiness in the things that I loved. And it wasn’t just dresses. It was Figure Skating, and Celine Dion, and crafts. Things that “boys don’t do”. After years of hearing slurs from the kids at school, I began putting parts of myself into boxes, and hiding them away. By the time I was 14, I had hidden the parts of myself that really made me happy because I was so afraid of what they would mean.
Years later, at 29, I finally came to terms with who I am, and shared the truth with my family and friends. It’s been a long 7 years of unpacking those boxes, finding those things that brought me joy, having a good cry, and then letting them become part of my life. Through all my reflecting, I thought about that dream wedding from when I was a kid, and how much of it would have to change.
But why should it change?
Seriously, why can’t there be big dresses? And who says I can’t carry a bouquet? It shouldn’t stop there either - What if I want to include a fire ritual? or a Drag Queen to officiate (Scarlett Bobo, please get your marriage license!) I don’t want bland chicken, I want saucy ribs. Why can’t I have the wedding I want?
I’ll tell you why. Because officiants can deny marrying same-sex and queer couples in Ontario. Because we, as vendors, don’t push the envelop. Because, as a society, we are at the beginning of our journey of being truly inclusive. That’s what inspired Queerly Beloved, and this photoshoot. I want to take every beautiful dream that I have in my little boxes and let them live. And I want that for every single one of us who has ever had to hide. It’s time we think outside the box, and create ceremonies that celebrate all of our uniqueness. I think this starts with taking the gender-typical elements of weddings and subverting them. And so, I worked with Sixpence Bridal, Lydia Ivy Photography, and Blooms + Flora to bring one of my dreams to life.
Vendors, It’s time we talk about changing things. Let’s step out of our comfort zones, so that others can find theirs. It’s here that we will do our most creative work, and make beautiful queer dream weddings a reality.
If you have a story to share, or want to continue this conversation, I would love to listen.
