5 years ago, I learned Pride.

Excited, anxious, terrified. I was waiting for my Tinder date at the bar at Joey’s Yorkdale. I kept looking at the door breathless. The bartender made small talk - I think she knew I was nervous. A beautiful girl approached me “Hey, are you Kevin?” I don’t even remember if I said a word, or just shook my head no. The bartender laughed “You should have said yes,” she said. Ready to bail, I texted my best friend Tif, needing her to push me in the right direction. She always does. Deep breath. I look to the door. And there he was. I was now on my first date with a man.

°.°.°

I reflect often on that time in my life - when I learned who I am. But it didn’t start with smiles and fanfare. For a long time, I was self-loathing. I felt like I was lying to myself, my family, and my friends. If you’ve met me, you know I’m an open book. But I was hiding that chapter from myself. I formed relationships with people hoping to find the version of myself I thought others wanted me to be. It was killing me.

I talk forever about community, and the people that we surround ourselves with. Tif at the time was a critical part of my community. She was the only person who knew what I was dealing with at the time; she was my life line. Without her, maybe I would have stood up and left that bar. I certainly wouldn’t have been able to pick myself up off the floor when I got home that night and cried.

Love drives us. It drove me to discover who I am, and it drove Tif to support me in coming out. Support like that is what helps us self-identify, and find the courage to be proud of who we are. Slowly, I started to share my secret with my community. Looking back, I was certainly confused. I was projecting my fears on others. I was looking to be the person I thought they wanted me to be. Look at your own communities. You’ve included these people in your life because they support your decisions and love you no matter what. So when standing up and proclaiming what love means to you, why would they ever do anything but support you? Who my community wants me to be is myself.

I have an uncle who, when he learned I am gay, said “we’re here to love each other, not judge each other.” I believe that to my core. My community - my family, my friends, my colleagues, my couples - we are here to love one another. We are here to support one another. I can’t imagine who I would be today if it wasn’t for all of them. Because if I didn’t have them, I wouldn’t know love. And I wouldn’t feel safe being myself. I wouldn’t have Pride in the man I’ve become. Thanks to my community, I am happy. Thanks to my community, I love who I am.

.°.°.

We left the restaurant, 5 years ago today, and went for a walk. It was snowing so softly. We stopped under a lamp post, I turned to Albert and said “here goes nothing”. And we kissed.

There was no spark between us.

But I never felt more alive.

“How falling in Love is like owning a dog” by Taylor Mali

First of all, it’s a big responsibility,

especially in a city like New York.

So think long and hard before deciding on love.

On the other hand, love gives you a sense of security:

when you’re walking down the street late at night

and you have a leash on love

ain’t no one going to mess with you.

Because crooks and muggers think love is unpredictable.

Who knows what love could do in its own defense?

On cold winter nights, love is warm.

It lies between you and lives and breathes

and makes funny noises.

Love wakes you up all hours of the night with its needs.

It needs to be fed so it will grow and stay healthy.

Love doesn’t like being left alone for long.

But come home and love is always happy to see you.

It may break a few things accidentally in its passion for life,

but you can never be mad at love for long.

Is love good all the time? No! No!

Love can be bad. Bad, love, bad! Very bad love.

Love makes messes.

Love leaves you little surprises here and there.

Love needs lots of cleaning up after.

Somethimes you just want to get love fixed.

Sometimes you want to roll up a piece of newspaper

and swat love on the nose,

not so much to cause pain,

just to let love know Don’t you ever do that again!

Sometimes love just wants to go out for a nice long walk.

Because love loves exercise. It will run you around the block

and leave you panting, breathless. Pull you in different directions

at once, or wind itself around and around you

until you’re all wound up and you cannot move.

But love makes you meet people wherever you go.

People who have nothing in common but love

stop and talk to each other on the street.

Throw things away and love will bring them back,

again, and again, and again.

But most of all, love needs love, lots of it.

And in return, love loves you and never stops.

Ceremony Music Tips

One of the additional services I offer is music for your ceremony. I get a lot of couples who tell me they have no idea what music to use! Ceremonies usually consist of 3 songs - an Entrance, a song for signing, and a recessional. But don’t forget some light music for your guests to listen to as they are taking their seats! Here are some tips I give to my couples when making these decisions: 

• Listen to the lyrics. Its easy to fall in love with a melody, but sometimes the words aren’t so appropriate. There’s a great song out right now called “Marry Me” by Thomas Rhett that I get requests for often. Pretty song, but it talks about him drinking at the back because “Yeah, she wanna get married, but she don’t wanna marry me”. The best songs for a ceremony are about how love makes you feel about each other.

• Think about timing. When it comes to a procession, a lot of couples want the bride to walk in to her own song. I actually encourage against this. The most popular wedding song last year was “Yours” by Russell Dickerson - put it on now. Consider the length of your aisle - usually 15’ to 50’. How long will it take you to walk at a slow pace? The song doesn’t hit its build up until 2:26. So your whole party could enter before you, and you can walk in at the pretty part!

• Plan an extra signing song. On average a signing is under 5 minutes, but your photographer might want to slow you down for photos. Have a back up. On average a song is only 3.5-5min.

• It’s not cheesy if it’s meaningful. Don’t over think things. If you have an idea that you love, do it. I had someone this year say “but everyone’s tired of that song”. So instead, you want to settle on something you don’t like? Choose what you want, not what others will like. This is your ceremony. I had a beautiful ceremony a year ago where they listed every wonderful love song you could think of, and we found a instrumental version of each to make it their own, and it was so perfect.

Music sets a tone. It reflects you, and connects us all. Let’s pick music that speaks to you 

If you’re looking for inspiration, follow my AppleMusic account, <a href=“https://itunes.apple.com/profile/BCausLove”>@BCausLove</a>.

One of my favourites from this year!  Dan + Shay - Speechless